There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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