I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
