We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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