Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
