Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
