She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
