at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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