Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
