saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
