I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
