You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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