Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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