Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
