I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just tell him i said nine months
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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