am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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