first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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