thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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