Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
