I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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