I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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