Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
