whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
