I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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