Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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