I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
