ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize