I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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