so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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