i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
