they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
