Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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