If that was your dad, he is hot
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm too high and old for this...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
