69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
