I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
