You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
