If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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