hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
