I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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