The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
