I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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