You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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