haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
