i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
