I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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