Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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