every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
