were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I party with great urgency now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
