tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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