there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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