You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
