All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well I just put wine in my tea
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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