God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
