im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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