i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
