Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize