I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize