Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Too much gin, very little bucket
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
