I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
