Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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