At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
