so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
