Is it because I queefed?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
