Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
