I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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