Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
