life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
