he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
