You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
