This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
