the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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