if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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