i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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