Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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